Wednesday, December 31, 2003


welcome to two thousand and four.
sounds crappy when put like that doesn't it? :)

ah well, it just HAS to be a better year than two thousand and three... lol
yep, that sounds worse!!

ok well i'm all out of wisecracks, gave em all to nish this afternoon,
so you'll have to make do with some reflection upon wisdom
from the upanishads.

have fun now! don't drink drive, drink omo!

"I am the food of life, I am, I am;
I eat the food of life, I eat, I eat.
I link food and water, I link, I link.
I am the first-born in the universe;
Older than the gods, I am immortal.
Who shares food with the hungry protects me;
Who shares not with them is consumed by me.
I am this world and I consume this world.
They who understand this understand life."

-Taittiriya Upanishad



Tuesday, December 30, 2003

so close now to 2004...

I realise that I haven't accomplished much externally recently, I realise that I am stressed, exhausted and that spider bites are generally toxic and suck muchly.
My energy is low, I need to release some crap.
I haven't been doing the things that i want to do, and whilst I still consider myself on holidays and haven't felt that I've had the energy to spend, i still feel like I need to do more.
I re-strung Wilbur today, he doesn't know himself and i'm not sure i know him either, he's a stranger to my ears!!

crap alert! read no further! not sure why i'm posting this! it's been a weird day ok!?!

Time collapses, folding in on itself, and i see myself,
past, present and future, in many forms,
time rushing by me as it stands quite still.
"Mother is the name of god on the lips and hearts of children everywhere..."
What powerful words these are, I watch Brandon Lee and I am wrenched.
I feel the pain and loss and it feels like a curse -
bitter and terse, short and sharp and shattering...
I wriggle out of social engagements -
I need time to stretch my legs and stretch my mind,
unravel these thoughts so tightly coiled,
spring loaded shanks that stab at my consciousness.
I feel for those who tried to hold my hand,
to reach in and offer words of soothing,
to find nought but air and ice.
I have retreated so far, my heart hidden behind my mind once again,
a place where she oft does hide her warm red pulsating core.
I feel for them, not because their soft skin is blistered by my dry ice core,
but because they cannot ever understand.
Naive ignorance, such a blessing that often I envy.
The only way to conceive, let alone comprehend,
is to experience.
Even then it is all to easy to philosophise and intellectualise,
neatly compartmentalise into little, ordered, inoffensive boxes.
But to open up, to feel fully, is to comprehend.
Searing, rending, fearful pain.
From this vantage point alone can be seen the vast plateau of existence,
and time,
as they collapse and fold in on themselves.
Here can be seen the incomparable power of a 'mere' speck of humanity,
and the utter worthlessness of society.
Tonight i fly free with the angels, tonight my soul washed clean,
Tonight a speck of dust i become one more,
all powerful and free from name, gender, race, religion, rank, nationality,
preferance, past, experience, opinion, taste, education, heritage, lineage,
ownership, obligation, knowledge, ignorance -
obliteration and birth.



Monday, December 29, 2003

no wonder i've been feeling craptacular...

the little bite on my arm is growing bigger and itching more and i'm quite suspicious that it is from a rather unfriendly spider... rats!

had a nice lunch today with my bro stephanos and aunty zenaida, kind of a christmas / new years / zenaida's b'day thing all in one. Ended up at Danny's Thai Bistro on the Parade as the Parade Thai was closed... laksa's all round then off to cold rock for icecream... stevo and zenaida wussed on the mix ins, but i had cookies n cream with a crunchie crunched in.. yummo!

have been out all day so no idea re; the cricket...

i'm sure i'll find out soon enough!!!

come on people! more gargoyle name nominations please!! :)

if only to save him from being called "aragon" as was the intention of jj who gave him to me...





Sunday, December 28, 2003

Name that gargoyle!

that's right! my new gargoyle is as yet, unnamed. and i want you, yes yes all of you, to submit suitable names for him / her as the case may be - i don't have a digicam or i would post a piccie of said gargoyle :( , I already have a garden gargoyle, his name is Gordon, and he is beautiful :-). This one reminds me somewhat of a cross between broadway, bronx and or lexington, although my love of gargoyles stems not from this cartoon (which i loved), but from long hours spent as a teen with friends who were busking in the mall, and checking out the gargoyles on the old buildings here. Most are now gone, but my fascination for them has not. Would love megha and nish to come up with a cool hindi name for him :) .

meanwhile, visit one of my faves, micallef

ciao ciao!! *waves*



Saturday, December 27, 2003

foot in mouth day

or something to that effect, but anyway you look at it, or indeed, I look at it, the communications are coming in thick and fast. Mori and Wade, long time no speak, nice to catch up with you, and Susannah and my bro and nishu for a bit today too, hmmm hope the ozzie batting doesn't piss you off too much sweety :D, and Susan, and if i've forgotten anyone, well, that's only to be expected as i'm feeling quite mental right now.
Swifty is here now - well virtually anyway - and this is the first real chat we've had since school finished for hollies about 10 days ago or so.
I think i'm still getting over it. I think i'm disillusioned - odd for such an idealist as myself, but now teh convo has switched to depend undergarments being made available at the candy bar for the lotr multi marathon screenings - a good idea i say.
Of course i'm wondering if i should just wait for lotr rotk extended like i did with the other two, ;) wha? never said i was an enthusiast did i? i just like the weapons :D
swifty says no and i'm waiting for his reasoning, mind you he has no idea that i'm blogging as we chat, a chat in the life of cat and swifty so to speak ;)
ah he says no coz he's heard that rotk fucking rocks!! so have i, so indeed we shall see it in a group with brian and georgia and luke and partner and richard maybe too... i'm asking permission now re;blogging this chat, so this will either be deleted or published depending on whether swifty deems this convo private or not... lol if you are reading it, you know the outcome already! :D Morri went off to sleep, what do you mean golf game?? wuss!! (it's usually me going to sleep early, me that receives teh big girls blouse comments :D)
anyway, i'm tired and i could say just about anything right now... eeek!!
go check out danny's travel diaries, or just go to molvania ;)

ciao ciao my precioussssssssss wiigiilicious ones!!



fancy a change?

need to get away from it all?

then why not consider molvania as your next travel destination.

go on, you know you want to...



blog o'clock!

I'm not sure what's going on besides self reflection at the moment, had a great walking meditation session this morning, 1 1/2 hours worth, a great way to start the day (when one doesn't particularly have to be anywhere early :)).

Chrissie / humbug day was great, spent it at JenJen(so good they named her twice) the Rambunctious One's place, with her parents, husband, brother, sister-in-law and 11 yr old niece.
Of course, i got in touch with my inner child (read immaturity) pretty quickly in the presence of a child, and was playing light sabres with the bubble wand, and making bubbles and drawing on hands with pens and umm generally being a wally :) just the way you like me i know :)
bopping a little and singing along with 80's tunes, i guess it's just lucky JJsgtnhtTRO didn't put on the village people's milkshake or you can't stop the music, coz we do all the actions :D it's not pretty :D but it's pretty funny :)
as it was just JJ and i, JJ's folks for the lunchie period, (oh and waldo and hughie the puppies!), we started on nibblies and decided to just keep nibblaring, and forgo lunch proper, proceeding to a buffet style dinner when all had arrived (JJ's hubby was working til mid arvo), involving scrummy salady things, prawns (mandatory chrissy fare) and a bbq, including some char grilled eggplant and zucchini mmmmmmmmmmmmmm but me forgotted teh capsicum, which means of course, more roast capsicum later today when i fire up the oven :)
I got cool presents, "dude where's my country" by michael moore, Brazil - the Terry Gilliam epic on dvd, a most brill gargoyle, i loves gargoyles *sigh*, nibbly goodies and a plushy reindeer and apocalypse now on dvd, and a santa mug, for all those santa drinkies :), hope i haven't left anything out, oh actually, i got perfume too, but it's full of alcohol which i'm allergic to.
How do i approach this one kids? It's not like a preference thing, i think it's important that people are edumacated re; multiple chemical sensitivities and fibromyalgia and so on.
it's been a time of deep consideration for me, societal stuff, stuff that nish has articulated painfully well, and i keep getting interrupted so i shall perhaps continue this thought later...

hope you all had good times, shared some special moments and laughed alot. Most of all i hope you all got lots of yummy hugs, i know i did and that was worth more than anything else. :)

oh i nearly forgot!! i got to sing the puppy christmas song to the puppies with jjsgtnhttro!!
it goes like this:

puppy christmas to you
puppy christmas to you
puppy christmas
puppy christmas
puppy christmas to you





Tuesday, December 23, 2003


had this song in my head the other day... singing / humming along, stayed in my head for a few days.. then yesterday, whilst in a shop, i couldn't believe that i was hearing this familiar song as part of the muzak but it sounded so strange... fn limp bizkit have covered it :( damn...

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

And If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
And If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

P. Townshend / the Who



Monday, December 22, 2003

the moon nears darkness, we recede into our inner selves...

still in the grip of the fatigue beast and not feeling quite so verbose as i often am, i felt that it would be appropriate to share a quote from someone worthy of quoting. Always good to quote sci-fi philosophy when my mind runs dry... (now for more sleep!)

"I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when ...

it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain."

Frank Herbert, Dune - Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear



Sunday, December 21, 2003

tired, tired tired

in the grip of the fatigue beast atm, can't think can't do much. had a bit of a latey on friday, after watching lotr ttt extended, and discussing it and life in general till around 9.30, turned the phone back on and retrieved info that my bro who is here for a short time from canberra, was having an impromptu dinner and piss up in Rundle st, as he turned 40 yestermaday. Long story short, involved me getting home around 3am and then beginning the long and arduous task of getting this insomniac bod some shut eye prior to another 7am alarm, and subsequent well planned in advance, not at all impromptu and therefore in the eyes of all concerned (raises eybrow) the event with higher priority, trip to mylor to hang with friends. After an initial rough start it all went well with me holding the travelling party up by an hour before setting out, but otherwise all good. Lots of fun, relaxation, a wee three guitar jam, at least that's what we're telling everyone it was... I even got to play trev's left handed guitar right handed and therefore back to front fingering and picking rather than swapping hands and playing it left handed (no nails on left hand anymore, right handed all the way!) which did nothing for my mental state, leaving me totally confused... it's one thing to attempt that when one is well rested, it's totally another thing to do that to ones brain when one is running on 2 hours sleep and a major fibro-flare.... very surreal indeed... good food, good friends, who didn't mind at all carrying on around me while i curled up in a meditative chilled state on the couch in lieu of actual sleep, and tolerated my insane ramblings with good humour. What is life without such beautiful creatures around us?
perhaps today will be a little quiet homebody day, sounds nice doesn't it?

ciao wiigiilicious ones!



Thursday, December 18, 2003

no blog today
my love has gone away
my bloggie stands forlorn
a symbol of the dawn...

(apologies to hermans hermits)

best gift of the day: a delicious ripe mango from Margaret.. mmm noomy. I am a mango fiend, and i make a damn fine baked ricotta mango cake if i do say so myself.

it's hot and i don't have a whole lot to say, so enjoy this or ignore it, the choice is yours and may the force be with you :)

[Other Voices] i Live with
Desertion - and Eight Million

More often then not, you feel alone and hungry for
something with substance. Whats the point of
talking to people who will never relate?

What Cure Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

ciao space kidettes :)



Wednesday, December 17, 2003

the following blog...
is coming like Mr. Kipling...
exceedingly good...

What a brilliant finish to a test match!! how cool was that?? India won the second test match in Adelaide by 4 wickets in the end.. and on the fifth day... those last four runs were excruciating... omg!! So hard to watch, but so good... My brother managed to nick out of work for the last hour or so of play, we only got to see the last 30 runs televised at home, but thankfully, Steve rang me from the oval as the winning run was taken, and filled me in on the antics of the "Swami Army", whom he enjoyed very much, although he said that the police were all over them, afraid of pitch invasion he thought at the time, I know i would have lost my head with a win like that!!!
Let's hope the rest of the series is as spirited and well played. No doubt Nish is happy happy indeed!! Well done India!! A great win for the entire cricket community! see Danny's blog for more info and some pics... even if they are more of girls than cricket... *rollseyes*, and a first hand account of the test, in particular the last day... i wish i hadn't missed so much!!
Last lecture for the year today, i'm pretty vacant (haha apologies to the sex pistols), but i'm guessing with some hols on the agenda i may be able to post sensibly, or something approximating sensibility before too long...

ciao and stay cool

bella bye....



Sunday, December 14, 2003

exceedingly cool

Dida has published pictures from moonlight cinema last night, how cool is that? Thanks!!! :-)



It's all very well to soar like an eagle...

but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines...

Ashlar's Epitaph is back, stop moving the bloody thing will ya????? :)

And Swifty, you know you have seen me laugh that much before, but usually you are joining in and not spectating... cletus is evil, stay away from the cletus......... trust me, cletus'll run you over then shoot ya then cook ya for dinner in a mixed roadkill stew.... dang that's freaky!

Moonlight cinema

traps for young players... actually nah.. i'm just gonna tell it like it is i think...
1, make up your mind if you want to bring chairs or sit on the ground... if you pick chairs be prepared to sit at the back, no matter how short legged you think your cute little chairs are, or be prepared to die, at the hands of cat, make no mistake, i am entirely capable.

2. Once you have chosen to sit on the ground like normal people who don't harrass their fellow viewers (unless i choose chairs next time, then the ground dwellers will be the freaks of the day ;)), then make sure you bring lots of under bum padding, and plenty of warm fluffy things so as not to freeze. Yes. We have things called calenders that suggest that it may in fact be summer. They lie. It's fucking cold out there. Not only will you not enjoy a decent bloodsplattery samurai fight, your bladder will scream blue murder if you let it get too cold out there and you've made a bit of a dent in your esky contents. nuff said.

3. Prolly no need to overstock your esky. It's only a coupla hours people and unless you have a ravenous appetite for munchies and or alcohol... it's just gonna make your arms tired. Of course, you may have planned it so that you have tomorrows cricket goodies already eskified..(assuming your alcohol is suitably disguised (not that i condone sneaking alcohol into the cricket.. ;))) that's up to you :D

4. Enjoy! It's a very silly fun thing to do this moonlight cinema, if you're into all the senstadium techie stuff then stay away, the sound is horrible, the picture is adequate.. but the atmosphere is great. again - nuff said :D

I had a blast, my third time for Kill Bill Part 1, and no, it's not that i'm hanging to see that movie every chance i get, much as i enjoyed it.. my original review from first viewing is floating around in my arhives here somewhere..., but who can pass up a chance to see that movie in such great company?? so far i've seen it with teh cineMiFFi crew, Swifty, and last night with Brian, Georgia and my bro Steve, definitely the best venue for watching a cool fun movie in good company as in last night... thanks guys!!
Stevo, is in town for my grandmother's 90th, his own 40th, and some bah humbug crap. Last time i saw him was for my other grandmothers funeral, just a few weeks ago, there are a few blog entries re that in my archives too if you care to read them... why would you? i don't know, but i'm not you so i'm not going to assume anything :D just do whatever you want :D (as long as you don't sit in front of me in a chair at moonlight cinema :D)

i was gonna write my take on dogma as binary maths, but i can't be arsed

110010101 00110010 10001110 11111111 01011100

so there...



Saturday, December 13, 2003

technical difficulties... do not adjust your set..

not only has the Epitaph moved, it is also down atm, so i'll do the linkie updates later... don't worry yourselves, Ashlar will return, promise :)

just a quick post, mcfpn was way cool, tho the cricket was a bit damp, but cool, not that we paid to get in........... :D ended up watching mostly from teh big screen in the outer outer, and seeing lots of french cricket in the grass and some vommie action... just the ususal :D

nice sushi bubblet dinner then on to the pub for mucho fun with geeks aplenty... :P you know who you are... and karl, i'm sorry i teased you so much about that barmaid, really the pole dancing thing was all my bad... hehehe shhh don't tell anyone!!!

photos eventually... got a few left on the roll so, perhaps tonight i shall finish the film off at moonlight cinema.... we shall see :) hope it's gonna be a dry nite!!!

ciao wiigiilicious ones!!!



Wednesday, December 10, 2003

best days....

what are they made of anyway??

my dvd ordered monday arvo sitting there in my letter box at 8am...

coffee with Brian, that's a given.. dammit boy! you made me blush today... now THAT is not easy to do :P those who have achieved it, know that you have accomplished something indeed.

Doing well in my current assignment, well i seem to have grasped it concept wise, tho there is still alot of work to do before deadline, no mean feat in my current vacant mental state tho, so happy about that...

Those days where it is not too hot and not too cold and the airconditioning doesn't turn your nipples into lethal weapons and give you pneumonia..

Spending fun time with Tracy and Jack and Karl... instead of working on my assignment... bad cat :D...

chocolate - yes that was good :D

a wee ant rant, i do so love writing about those little buggers... but lately haven't had much time for those things of a creative nature...

a little time spent strumming Wilbur (that's my geetar case u don't know)

then off to training which tho still very new to me and lots to learn felt like singing along to a favourite song, so natural and flowing and joyful and free...

got to chat to ash, briefly, and read Danny's blog and learn a thing or two... or fifteen.. :D

all in all a good day indeed

and to all a goodnight

goodnight :D




Tuesday, December 09, 2003

what is it with the assumptions?

on friday servo guy said: "someone is mowing their lawn this weekend." when i came in to pay, because i filled a petrol can at the same time as i filled the tank in old smeggie... i had no intention of mowing my lawn, in fact i think i said: "huh?" but didn't enlighten him, i figured he was pretty happy thinking that i was gonna mow my lawn, so i let him continue to think that. If he wanted to, he could have phrased it as a question: "are you going to mow your lawn?", in which case i would have responded, no, it's for my other car... but he wanted to make a statement, and i guess he's entitled, so i let him make his statement and think what he wanted... :)

my new best friend

where the hell is ash? not like him to be so quiet..... not on the sake again are ya?

hmm that's my updates for now...

ciao :D



the news in brief...

James Roberts is back online, which means of course the ever popular Adelaide blogs is back up now too, we missed you James!! Welcome back.. and may shoddy nethosts burn in hell... :)
Not only did our delightful gal Goldie make the Advertiser, she has a new url too, make sure you update your linkies ;)
Now a couple of days ago Danny posted some picks of a "special" lunchbox, and in the vein of things losing their context with time, i submit this picture to you, apparently a real advertisement from the 1950's. I shall say no more.
Friday brings with it the promise interesting festivities, swifty and i will most likely head to the cricket from school for the last hour of play, before grabbing food and heading off to Jimmy Rowes where the likes of Ashlar and many others shall be gathering. Anyone else going to the Adelaide test match?? let us know when you'll be there :D
and in the continuing vein of bah humbug,
not only did my pedestal fan die during the night, but i realised just how hazardous this time of the year can be what with all the paper cuts to the tongue due to envelope and stamp licking... *shudder* hehehe.. I am scrooge!! actually, i'm not at all like scroogey old boy, i just think we should be wonderful to each other all the time.. more celebrating and less sniping i say!! more supporting and less shooting down in flames!! why save it all for one day of the year?? c'mon kidlets and share the lurve :D




Sunday, December 07, 2003

not alot to say atm really...

been busy busy, and a bit sluggish with it post migrainey neck pain thingie.. but it's all pretty good now... my thoughts seem to be in snatches of things that stay with me, a dead owl on the footpath, some really deliciously wrong figurines in "Thingz", no doubt the retail slave was wondering what the hell i was laughing at and why i was lingering so long in front of those weird little things, just another $2 shop filled with bizarre rejected oddities for my amusement... and amused i was :)
been to the beach 3 times in the last six days, two of the three were beach proper, involving sand between the toes.. but too cold for swimming this last week unfortunately, not bad for a girlie from the eastern burbs. Been dealing with a lot of red tape crapola this week, hopefully that is all finished now, and study mania, have a heap of assignments due in teh next 2 weeks and fortunately, the surprise! exam has been dropped, as it took a few too many of us by surprise! it seems. I had two days away from teh guitar and walking and pretty much anything interesting, save a few choice conversations that kept me sane, or perhaps enhanced my insanity, i'm not really sure about that one... but i'm back in the swing, playing guitar and exercising and generally energetic once more... hopefully soon i shall have more than random thoughts to jot down here... perhaps tomorrow eh? ;) ya never know your luck in a big city, or even in Adelaide for that matter...
pay no heed to the pic, just me being silly as always, and i thought it might be appropriate given my pic has been described as ugly and looking like a man, well have a look at good old P.P. then, this is one of my favourite jokes and one i would love to see on a banner at the adelaide oval, but since i harboured that dream for years and didn't realise it, i did this in photostudio last year, and still no one got it, good thing it wasn't on a banner then hey?

if you're not into cricket it will meannothiing.. so.. move along, move along.. nothing to see here, it's all over folks...

ciao wiigiilicious ones...



Thursday, December 04, 2003

migraines eh? who needs em...

yes, a migraine took everything off of my agenda for last night, except for panadiene forte and complete darkness and silence... i was in denial but truth be told it had been building all day and as usual i just tried to push through it... feeling pretty decent now considering, and today is another day so forge on i shall....

for those of you who like a satirical read, try this: This story may contain traces of nuts by Ben Crisp, hopefully it will keep you amused in my absence :)




Wednesday, December 03, 2003

Ash says go visit the Epitaph....

there you go Ash, don't say i never do anything for you :) :P and for Megha and others who are interested, The New and Improved OhDannyBoy, now with comments is up and running for your perusal and amusement.

Long day yesterday, and i'm pretty tired, tried to have an early night and watch The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, BBC tv series, but was constantly interrupted, which is fine with me, more to watch later :-), oh and by the way, I hereby nominate Zaphod Beeblebrox as best / worst intergalactic mullet of all time there, i said it and i'm glad! Faithy dropped over last night and as i was in my approximation of pyjamas (that's vietnamese fisherman's pants and a long sleeved t to those of you who have by far too vivid imaginations) and lying on my bed watching hhgttg eps on my pc, she came and joined me and we chatted til around 11ish i guess, although that included at some point me massaging her shoulder that was freezing up... good times, i love laying around with good friends dribbling on about nothing in particular, from the big philosophical concepts to toenail clippings to interpersonal relationships and the state of society, and i didn't have to get dressed or leave my bed (well only to let her in and see her out to her car)... slothful and loving it!

still suffering from lack of motivation in the school dept unfortunately, but coffee with brian (wed is always coffee day this term :)) was great as always... albeit brief as we were both stuffed and had things to do :( but a few laughs were had in the arena.

i dunno why but i feel compelled to make this list... these are my aka's... or the ones i can remember right now...
cat | cath | catherine | catlicious | catarama | catarillo | catamaran | catabunga | cathode ray tube | cathfeter (ewww) | catty | kitty | hello kitty | kit | cataclysm | catalyst | catalytic converter | caff | caffien'd | caffien'dnation | cate | catelicious | tenacious 'c' | just 'c' | the artist formerly known as 'c' | catsy | catsy biscoe....
I'm sure there are more... I guess it's the kind of name you can make stuff up with easily, is it any wonder i'm confused people??? anyway if you've got any more or i've forgotten any post em in comments kids, and be nice please! :)




Tuesday, December 02, 2003

well i guess i should blog properly for a change...

but first - Jeebus Daniel!!! How long is that rant?? I felt like i had read Dickens' "A Christmas Carol", watched the two ronnies, chortled thru more bodily function jokes than an 80's Hong Kong cinematic marathon and relived the 80's and early 90's (particularly musically), and i'm scared to admit how far back the political references go that i remember (for shame!) and i didn't even have time to finish reading it!!
Read it and chortle space kiddettes.

Holy literary overload Batman!! had a great chat with arsnic last nite, long time no chat... and Chapter 2 of his novel is on it's way... Sheree also is typing up her latest manuscript, working on overcoming the fear of success / failure that so many of us wrangle with. That's a biggun folks, ooohhh yeah!

the weekend was good, took it really easy.. i think i had worn myself out well and truly last week, so sat night when i was meant to be out with meggsy... i um.. not only forgot that i was meant to be there initially but by the time we orgamanised the funky phone thang i was sleepy and headed off for an early nite of intimate time with my telly... :) Sorry Meggsy!! but we shall indeed spend some quality time... soon!!! sometime!!no really... we will :D
somehow on teh w/end managed to knock of heaps of niggly houseworkie things, and a lovely relaxing end to sunday saw me accepting an invitation to watch the sunset over the ocean at evida's on henley, which ended up being running jumping hooting hollering and laughing, doing Mr Percival impressions, believing i could fly, and other such good things to do in windy conditions on a sandy beach at sunset... then retiring for a hot choccie with an oceanic view... superb, and deliciously sleep inducing, always a good thing for the insomniac...

yesterday, aside from disrupting Brian's class (sorry thothy!!!) and playing my speed racer mpg in class erm... oops!! (go! speed racer! go!) had a blast catchin up with Swifty, Kaf, Jack, chaly, Phil, Tracy and eventually wingie when he finally rocked up... an amusing coffee session with Brian and Swifty in the hackeysack tournament arena, discussions revolving around computer games, heavy metal (notably Brians attendance the previous night at Sepulchura gig and consequent loss of hearing and sanity) and Dr Who, and spawning a new sig quote for me, which is only amusing if you were there.. "Alien grenades rock!!" like i said, you had to be there!!

anyway, now i have a SURPRISE! exam to study for, well, one that i was supposed to sit in the first week of term, and only yesterday was told it was now available for me, so many weeks on that i now have to revise a semesters work before i sit it.. and make a time when i think that i will be sufficiently revised and sit the damn thing... and for crying out loud not fail the damn thing. yeh. sure. easy :P i wish. so of course i am procrastinating and not concentrating, hey why not do what you're good at? hmmm i guess i'd better leave the bloggie thing alone for a while kidlets.. ciao!!!



Monday, December 01, 2003

quiz first, blog later...

apparently, i am this cheesy love song:

oh, you are so cute! not to mention catchy. Sort of sickening, truth be told.. but in a cute way!

Take the testby, Emily.

received this Jane Fonda rant yesterday...

interestingly enough, i had had a conversation just a couple of weeks ago with the friend who sent it to me where i said something similar re: patriarchy potentially robbing men of so much life (re; her son maturing and gender identifying - guess that's why she sent it to me), unless they (and we) get beyond the bounds of societal crapola that is... anyway, i'm much too tired now to get into any kind of head space to add anything particularly interesting to the discussion, and i'm certainly not suggesting that i agree with ms fonda, i barely ever agree with anyone ;), but i shall post the rant and you may make of it what you will :D

ciao! oh, and play nice! ;)

Jane Fonda's Speech at the National Women's Leadership Summit
Washington, D.C. June 12, 2003

Before I turned sixty I thought I was a feminist. I was in a way - I
worked to register women to vote, I supported women getting
elected. I brought gender issues into my movie roles, I encouraged
women to get strong and healthy, I read the books we've all read. I
had it in my head and partly in my heart, yet I didn't fully get it.
See, although I've always been financially independent, and
professionally and socially successful, behind the closed doors of my
personal life I was still turning myself in a pretzel so I'd be loved
by an alpha male. I thought if I didn't become whatever he wanted me
to be, I'd be alone, and then, I wouldn't exist.
There is not the time nor is this the place to explain why this was
true, or why it is such a common theme for so many otherwise
strong, independent women. Nor is it the time to tell you how I got
over it (I'm writing my memoirs, and all will be revealed). What's
important is that I did get over it. Early on in my third act I found
my voice and, in the process, I have ended up alone but not really. You
see, I'm with myself and this has enabled me to see feminism more
clearly. It's hard to see clearly when you're a pretzel.
So I want to tell you briefly some of what I have learned in this first
part of my third act and how it relates to what, I think, needs to
happen in terms of a revolution.
Because we can't just talk about women being at the table - it's too late
for that - we have to think in terms of the shape of the table. Is it
hierarchical or circular (metaphorically speaking)? We have to think
about the quality of the men who are with us at the table, the culture
that is hovering over the table that governs how things are decided
and in whose interests. This is not just about glass ceilings or politics
as usual. This is about revolution, and I have finally gotten to where I
can say that word and know what I mean by it and feel good about it
because I see, now, how the future of the earth and everything on it
including men and boys depends on this happening.
Let me say something about men: obviously, I've had to do a lot of
thinking about men, especially the ones who've been important in
my life, and what I've come to realize is how damaging patriarchy has
been for them. And all of them are smart, good men who want to be
considered the "good guys." But the Male Belief System, that compartmentalized, hierarchical, ejaculatory, and centric power structure that is Patriarchy, is fatal to the hearts of men, to empathy and relationship.
Yes, men and boys receive privilege and status from patriarchy, but it
is a poisoned privilege for which they pay a heavy price. If traditional, patriarchal socialization takes aim at girls' voices, it takes aim at boys' hearts - makes them lose the deepest, most sensitive and empathic parts of themselves. Men aren't even allowed to be depressed, which is why they engage so often in various forms of self-numbing, from sex to alcohol and drugs to gambling and workaholism. Patriarchy
strikes a Faustian bargain with men.
Patriarchy sustains itself by breaking relationship. I'm referring here
to real relationship, the showing-up kind, not the "I'll stay with him
cause he pays the bills, or because of the kids, or because if I don't I
will cease to exist," but relationship where you, the woman, can
acknowledge your partner's needs while simultaneously
acknowledging and tending to your own. I work with young girls and
I can tell you there's a whole generation who has not learned what a
relationship is supposed to feel like - that it's not about leaving themselves behind.
Now, every group that's been oppressed has its share of Uncle Toms,
and we have our Aunt Toms. I call them ventriloquists for the
patriarchy. I won't name names but we all know them. They are
women in whom the toxic aspects of masculinity hold sway. It should
neither surprise nor discourage us. We need to understand it and be
able to explain it to others, but it means, I think, that we should be
just about getting a woman into this position or that. We need to
look at "is that woman intact emotionally," has she had to forfeit her
empathy gene somewhere along the way for whatever reason?
And then, of course, there are what Eve Ensler calls Vagina-Friendly
men, who choose to remain emotionally literate. It's not easy for
them - look at the names they get called: wimp, pansy, pussy, soft,
limp, momma's boy. Men don't like to be considered "soft" on
anything, which is why more don't choose to join us in the circle.
Actually, most don't have the choice to make. You know why?
Because when they are real little (I learned this from Carol Gilligan),
like five years or younger, boys internalize the message of what it
takes to be a "real man." Sometimes it comes through their fathers
who beat it into them. Sometimes it comes because no one around
them knows how to connect with their emotions (This is a
generational thing). Sometimes it comes because our culture rips boys
from their mothers before they are developmentally ready.
Sometimes it comes because boys are teased at school for crying.
Sometimes it's the subliminal messages from teachers and the media.
It can be a specific trauma that shuts them down. But, I can assure
you, it is true to some extent of many if not most men, and when the
extreme version of it manifests itself in our nation's leaders, beware!
Another thing that I've learned is that there is a fundamental
contradiction not just between patriarchy and relationship, but
between patriarchy and Democracy. Patriarchy masquerades as
Democracy, but it's an anathema. How can it be democracy when
someone has to always be above someone else, when women, who
are a majority, live within a social construct that discriminates
against them, keeps them from having their full human rights?
But just because Patriarchy has ruled for 10,000 years since the
beginning of agriculture, doesn't make it inevitable.
Maybe at some earlier stage in human evolution, Patriarchy was what
was needed just for the species to survive. But today, there's nothing
threatening the human species but humans. We've conquered our
predators, we've subdued nature almost to extinction, and there are
no more frontiers to conquer or to escape into so as to avoid having
to deal with the mess we've left behind. Frontiers have always given
capitalism, Patriarchy's economic face, a way to avoid dealing with its
shortcomings. Well, we're having to face them now in this post-
frontier era and inevitably - especially when we have leaders who
suffer from toxic masculinity - that leads to war, the conquering of
new markets, and the destruction of the earth.
However, it is altogether possible, that we are on the verge of a
tectonic shift in paradigms - that what we are seeing happening today
are the paroxysms, the final terrible death throes of the old, no
longer workable, no longer justifiable system. Look at it this way: it's
Patriarchy's third act and we have to make sure it's its last.
It's possible that the extreme, neo-conservative version of Patriarchy
which makes up our current Executive branch will over-play its hand
and cause the house of cards to collapse. We know that this new
"preventive war" doctrine will put us on a permanent war footing.
We know there can't be guns and butter, right? We learned with Vietnam.
We know that a Pandora's box has been opened in the Middle East
and that the administration is not prepared for the complexities that are emerging. We know that friends are becoming foes and angry young Muslims with no connection to AlQaeda are becoming terrorists in greater numbers. We know that with the new tax plan the rich will be better off and the rest will be poorer. We
know what happens when poor young men and women can only get
jobs by joining the military and what happens when they come home
and discover that the day after Congress passed the "Support Our
Troops" Resolution, $25 billion was cut from the VA budget. We know that already, families of servicemen have to go on welfare and are angry about it.
So, as Eve Ensler says, we have to change the verbs from obliterate,
dominate, humiliate, to liberate, appreciate, celebrate. We have to
make sure that head and heart can be reunited in the body politic, and
relationship and democracy can be restored.
We need to really understand the depth and breadth of what a shift to
a new, feminine paradigm would mean, how fundamentally central
it is to every single other thing in the world. We win, everything
wins, including boys, men, and the earth. We have to really
understand this and be able to make it concrete for others so they will
be able to see what Feminism really is and see themselves in it.
So our challenge is to commit ourselves to creating the tipping point
and the turning point. The time is ripe to launch a unified national
movement, a campaign, a tidal wave, built around issues and values,
not candidates.
That's why V-Day, The White House Project and their many allies are
partnering to hold a national women's convention somewhere in the
heartland, next June of 2004. Its purpose will be to inspire and
mobilize women and vagina-friendly men around the 2004 elections
and to build a new movement that will coalesce our energies and
forces around a politic of caring.
The convention will put forward a fresh, clear, and concise platform
of issues, and build the spirit, energy and power base to hold the
candidates accountable for them. There will be a diversity of women
from across the country who will participate in the mobilization.
There will be a special focus on involving young women. There will
be a variety of performers and artists acknowledging that culture
plays a powerful role in political action. There will be a concurrent
internet mobilization. Women's organizations will be asked to sign
on and send representatives to the convention.
There will be a caravan, a rolling tour across the country, of diverse
women leaders, celebrities and activists who will work with local
organizers to build momentum, sign people up, register them to
vote, get them organized and leave behind a tool kit for further
mobilization through the election and beyond.
This movement will be a volcano that will erupt in a flow of soft,
hot, empathic, breathing, authentic, vagina-friendly, relational lava
that will encircle patriarchy and smother it. We will be the flood and
we'll be Noah's ark.



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